David Archuletta: The grass is deceptively greener on the other side.
Photo credit: People Magazine
It’s been tragic to see David Archuletta distancing himself from the Church to pursue a homosexual lifestyle. I fear that his decision is adversely affecting many more SSA (same-sex-attracted) Latter-day Saints who are likewise struggling with their journey navigating the gospel and their sexuality.
I empathise with members like David. I’ve been through it myself. We struggle with emotional anguish for years, feeling conflicted by our compelling sexual attractions and our faith in Jesus Christ and his gospel. The pressure to measure up is immense and unbearable at times.
Many of us SSA Saints doubt whether we have a place in the Church and God’s plan; we doubt if we’re missing out on greater happiness and fulfilment by not pursuing a homosexual lifestyle. Some of us even feel unfairly held back from experiencing the same perceived exhilarating romance that heterosexual couples are allowed to enjoy. It’s a classic case of “the grass is greener on the other side,” and that proverbial “grass” on the other side seems like the solution to all of our problems.
It’s funny watching cows sometimes. It’s a common observance seeing one or two of them in any given pasture right up against the fence attempting to eat the grass on the other side. Often these cows have acres of lush, open pasture to graze, but they instead feel the urge to shove their head through barbed wire fences, sometimes injuring themselves against the barbs, to get a taste of that oh-so-enticing foliage on the other side. Instead of taking full advantage of the pasture that’s been provided to them, they often risk injury or entanglement to get as far over the border as they can reach.
Aren’t we often the same? This doesn’t just apply to homosexuality. There are so many situations where we try to live right on the edge between God’s kingdom and the world, in the proverbial field of morality. We may become bored with or even come to resent the safe pasture that we have been provided, increasing our desire for the greener grass on the other side of the fence. We see the greener grass as the solution to our problems and as providing the emotional or physical satisfaction or nourishment that we have been denied inside the pasture.
At first bite, the greener grass over the fence often tastes delicious; it’s exciting, thrilling, and even immensely gratifying to consume. For some, it can even provide a sense of satisfaction for an extended period of one’s life. But, I have come to realise through hard experience that the reason that the grass on the other side looks “greener” is due to it being astroturf; providing only an empty filler without any nutrients. More often than not, it’s also heavy-laden with poisonous herbicides or pesticides that slowly kill the consumer.
We’re not accustomed to associating wickedness with joy; afterall, “wickedness never was happiness,” right? But, the scriptures discuss something called the “joy of the godless” or “wicked.” It states in Job 20:5 that, “the mirth of the wicked is brief, the joy of the godless lasts but a moment.” The Saviour similarly taught that, those who have their lives built upon “the works of men, or upon the works of the devil … have joy in their works for a season, and by and by the end cometh, and they are hewn down and cast into the fire, from whence there is no return” (3 Nephi 27:11). For this reason, I don’t deny that people can be “happier” living outside of the confines of God’s law and Church. Living in sin can foster a semblance, even an immensely gratifying sense of joy for a time, maybe even for the duration of mortality; but, by and by, their season of godless joy will ultimately come to an end, as they discover that they are without the sustaining, unending true joy that only God has to offer.
(As a side note: Please note that I am not saying everyone “living in sin” or “in the world,” and by implication David Archuletta, are horrible, malicious sinners. I use the term “wicked” in the original sense of the word, from the Biblical Hebrew word rasha, translated as “wicked”in English; meaning, “to be lost from the path” and/or “lost and in jeopardy of death.”)
Acting on my homosexual attractions—dating men and everything that implies—provided me with a counterfeit joy; a counterfeit that provided only a hollow, surface-level, and fleeting fulfilment. At the end of the day, the satisfaction I felt in my homosexual relationships never lasted and left me feeling empty and unfulfilled; so, I had to keep looking for new “exciting” ways to be gratified. What was more damaging, was that this counterfeit was a pernicious toxin that was slowly killing my spirit, separating my soul from God and his love and grace. It did not allow me to abide in his love, as I was not keeping his commandments.
My heart breaks when I see members, like David, who distance themselves from the Lord and his gospel to seek happiness elsewhere, as they are inadvertently removing themselves from the only source of deep and abiding joy; Jesus Christ. The joy that the Lord provides often isn’t like the instant gratification, the instant hit or rush, that the world provides. Maintaining godly joy requires us crucifying our flesh, sacrifice, and patience to feel, but it’s the only form of joy that is truly, completely fulfilling, and which never ceases despite our challenges and struggles in mortality. It’s my hope that David and other members like him may see the “greener” grass for what it truly is, and return to the truly nourishing grass of God’s commandments. It’s my hope that he and others who have strayed will soon realise, as Jesus taught anciently that, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” Amen.
