How my Ancestors help me in my journey with Faith & Same-Sex Attraction.

As a convert to the Lord and his Church, and experiencing SSA (same-sex attraction), my journey at times has been a struggle, to say the least. At times, I have felt discouraged, heartbroken, and anguished over the internal hardship it has caused me as I’ve strived to reconcile my faith with my experience of SSA and figure out how this all can work together for my good, but more importantly for the Lord’s glory. At times, I have just wanted to capitulate to my romantic, carnal desires and go back to my former homosexual lifestyle due to the mental and emotional pain I was in.

In the times when I have considered giving up and giving into the temptation, my mind has often reflected on the example of my ancestors. Their examples of faithfulness and sacrifice inspired me to remain faithful to my covenants.

Since I was a young child, I’ve always been fascinated with my genealogy and the stories I’ve been told about my ancestors. One of those ancestors is Jacob Bastian; my paternal third great-grandfather.

Jacob Bastian

Jacob was born in Denmark, and was one of the first Danes to accept the Restored Gospel in that country. At the time, he lived a fairly comfortable life as a farmer, carpenter, and seaman. But, he, as other Saints around the world, had been called by the Prophet, Brigham Young, to come and gather in Zion. So, he and his wife, Gertrude, took the massive leap of faith to immigrate to America, leaving behind everything they had built and knew back in Denmark. Zion was the goal above all else.

“When Jacob joined the Saints, he put all his money in a company in order to help those who had not the means themselves to enable them to come to Zion” (A Biographical Sketch of the Life of Jacob Bastian). As it was for nearly all pioneers at that time, their trek across the American wilderness to Utah was gruelling and perilous. The hardship took its grave toll on Gertrude, as she died from the hardship three days after arriving in Salt Lake City. Jacob was grief stricken, but was counselled to marry again. He did so.

Jacob married his 2nd wife, Johanna Sandersen, in 1857—through whom I descend—and was soon after asked to sacrifice in living the law of plural marriage. He married his first plural wife, Kirsten Hansen, in 1861. He then married a 2nd plural wife, Mette Sandersen, in 1867.

A few years prior to his final plural marriage, he contracted typhoid fever, and coupled with inflammatory rheumatism, left him crippled for the rest of his life. Regardless, he worked tirelessly to support his wives and children.

His final trial came in 1888, when he was convicted of “unlawful cohabitation” for practising polygamy, and spent six months in the Utah Territorial Penitentiary (photo shown above). I can’t even imagine the trial this must have been to him and his family, being away from his wives and children who depended on him for their provision. All this for his sacrifice in living a difficult principle that God had commanded him to live.

Jacob Bastion (far left) in jail with with Apostle, George Q Cannon, (middle, white beard) and other Saints for practicing plural marriage.

I’m sure that there may have been times in Jacob’s life when he may have questioned why God had allowed him to struggle with some of the trials that he faced, but despite these immense trials and challenges, he continued faithful against all odds. “The ideal of [Jacob’s] youth was to attain wealth, influence, and social position. But when he joined the … Church, his ideal changed. It now became his desire to serve God, and [to] rear a family of God-fearing children, who would become instruments in making the world better.” He sacrificed everything; his wealth, time, energy, and ultimately his will, to doing the Lord’s work. His example, and the examples of other ancestors, inspires me to do the same. 

I find myself asking: In my journey with SSA and faith, have I been asked to carry a heavier load than Jacob? Is this cross I bear so much more of a challenge, that my covenants can be waived, giving me the licence to leave my commitments with the Lord? I answer, “No!”

The cross I have been called to bear may take a different form than that of Jacob’s, but it’s my cross and I have been called to take it up. My cross may at times bruise my back, or drive splinters into my skin, or cause me to lose balance, but with each day the Lord is giving me strength to better bear it up so that it’s no longer the burden that it once was. Each of us who seeks to come after Jesus is commanded to “deny himself and take up his cross and follow him. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for [Jesus’] sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” (Matthew 16:24-26).