Pride is NOT the antidote to shame.
Credit: www.ldstemple.pics
Disclaimer: Because I know I will be accused of being homophobic or hateful, I want to make perfectly clear that I personally experience SSA (same-sex attraction). I lived an open gay lifestyle in the past. I do not hate my experience with SSA nor do I hate homosexuals or those choosing to live gay lifestyles. I have nothing but the utmost love and affection for my SSA/homosexual brothers and sisters.
As we transition into “Pride Month,” I see many of my fellow SSA (same-sex-attracted) members choosing to celebrate Pride in their own way, and I find it bit bizarre and concerning. This has led me to ponder on my personal journey from an open gay man to a believing Latter-day Saint Christian. I remember how adversely my SSA affected me growing up in the Church. Realising I experienced SSA, and hearing often demeaning or cruel comments other members made about homosexuals, led me to believe I was broken, dirty, and sinful for having those “gay” feelings. This developed into an immense burden of self-loathing and shame that I shouldered for years. I didn't find much relief from that burden until I finally came out at 18 years of age. At that point, my shame shifted to the opposite extreme of pride. Pride became to me liberation from years of unnecessarily carrying that burden. My cry became, “I’m here! I’m queer! Get used to it!”
I believe for my fellow SSA Saints who’ve adopted celebrating Pride, like with me, it has become an opportunity for them to affirm themselves and likewise “liberate” themselves from the shame they’ve been burdened with. All of us need relief from that burden we may be carrying. We need validation that we are not dirty, sinful or guilty for experiencing an attraction that we have no control over. I wholeheartedly empathise with these needs, but is celebrating Pride the antidote we need to heal ourselves from this shame? I would adamantly argue now, as a disciple of Jesus Christ, no, it is not.
Credit: Christian Sterk
Gay Pride started in large part, as a riot in response to the Stonewall Raid in 1969. It began as a protest of the society’s persecution of homosexuals. It has evolved since then into a celebration of everything LGBT. The issue with LGB “culture” is that it is the only culture, that I know of, that is solely based off sexual attraction. To be L, G, or B, you’re saying that you have a sexual attraction to someone of the same gender. (I'm deliberately neglecting the “T” from the acronym, because I do not experience gender dysphoria, and do not claim to understand transgenderism or gender identity issues.) So Pride, at its core, is a celebration of homosexual attraction and sex. That’s the whole purpose behind Pride; to morally legitimise same-gender sex, romance and relationships, and make it just as morally equivalent to and as culturally accepted as heterosexual sex and relationships.
If you’ve ever been to Pride—and I’m not talking about the cute, little parades they hold in Utah; I’m talking about West Hollywood and San Francisco—the celebration of homosexual sex is made very apparent. The photo below is a prime example of what Pride almost always devolves into; an over-sexualised display of homosexual-eroticism. Participants claim they’re marching for “love,” but it’s made very apparent from early on, through the abundance of scantily-dressed men and women, porn strewn on the ground, and sex toys flaunted, that they’re referring a whole lot more to eros-love rather than agape-love. (If your neighbourhood Pride march hasn’t devolved into this yet, I promise that the displays of BDSM and “furries” are right around the corner.) Eros is the Ancient Greek word used to describe sexual and lustful love. Whereas, agape is the Greek word to describe overarching, selfless, and more benevolent or noble love.
“Pride is the love of one’s own excellence.”
St Augustine taught, “Pride is the love of one’s own excellence.” Sadly, what many of us do when we adopt the label of “gay” and choose to celebrate our “gay Pride,” is that we replace our shame with the focus of our shame—a temporary, mortal experience of homosexual attraction—and feature it as the excellent focal point of our identity and personality. It becomes our overarching trait that defines the whole of ourselves. We go from one extreme of shaming ourselves unnecessarily, to making the attraction one of our most, if not the most, defining characteristics. By virtue of doing this, we, wittingly or not, advocate for Pride’s purpose to morally legitimise homosexual sex and relationships. This is not the antidote to shame, but a supplanting of our true identities.
President Ezra Taft Benson taught that, “In the scriptures there is no such thing as righteous pride—it is always considered a sin. Therefore, no matter how the world uses the term, we must understand how God uses the term so we can understand the language of holy writ and profit thereby'“ (Beware of Pride, 1989).
So, if Pride is not the antidote to our shame, what is? Well, there isn’t just one answer. I believe there are a few crucial components to the antidote, but the most important component is developing godly humility.
Shame and pride are truly two equally unhealthy and destructive extreme opposites. Both shame and pride create enmity between us and God. Regarding this, President Benson remarked, “The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God … Enmity means ‘hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.’ It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.” So, as we seek to be humble, saying “Your will not mine be done,” we come closer to God. We can begin to see our trials and experiences as blessings, not burdens. We begin to have a desire to act within the bounds the Lord has set, for his praise and glory rather than our own.
If we are lacking in having godly humility, we can pray for grace to enable us to change and heal. We absolutely need Jesus’ grace, and a large dose of it! Jesus’ grace (the enabling power of his Atonement) is the salve that heals all wounds. As we come to him, his grace becomes a constant source of strength. Along with his grace, he sends the Holy Spirit to comfort and teach us. The Spirit helps us to understand our true identity as sons or daughters of Heavenly Parents with the potential to become like them. Maintaining this vision of who we are and can become helps us to see through momentary mortal challenges.
The Holy Spirit teaches us through scripture that, although God condemns same-gender sex (1 Corinthians 6:11; Leviticus 20:18), homosexual attraction itself is not sinful. People do not choose to have SSA any more than they choose to be attracted to the opposite gender. It’s just a natural mortal experience; consequently, there should be nothing shameful about experiencing SSA. This understanding of the difference between attractions and behaviour, along with a clear eternal perspective of our divine potential, helps us to see our SSA as a necessary mortal experience some people will have to help us grow spiritually. I personally believe it is a blessing and a gift from God.
As we develop humility and receive God’s grace, we are better able to accept ourselves and our experience. The Spirit will help us to see our SSA as a blessing, and we will come to trust in the Lord and have a deeper love and appreciation for ourselves, with all our quirks, challenges and weaknesses. It just is what it is. Our Heavenly Parents have given us this mortal experience to help us grow and become more Christlike (see Ether 12:27). We can have confidence in our potential to develop strengths and talents through this experience, to be able to bless our lives and the lives of others.
Humility, grace, and self-acceptance; these are the true antidotes to the guilt and shame we have unjustly shouldered, not the observance of an event that celebrates lifestyles inconsistent with God's plan. As a Latter-day Saint experiencing SSA, I choose to have pride in my Saviour Jesus Christ and his power to make me strong in my weakness. He doesn’t label me by my sexual attraction or by any other temporary mortal experience. He gives me a vision of my true, eternal identity; a son of God and heir of exaltation. This June, and every June, I will express my pride in him alone.
