Why Queer?
Ciao, I’m Tember. Born and raised in Southern California. I lived a out-and-proud gay lifestyle before committing my life to Jesus. I am a Latter-day Saint Christian. I’m happily married to my wife, with two adorable little niños. I decided I would try to coherently piece together my disheveled thoughts to express my views and opinions pertaining to my journey as a disciple, husband, father, and eccentric—who happens to also experience sexual attraction for my same gender.
So, why am I using the label “queer?” I’ll harken back to the 1828 Webster dictionary definition, which defines queer as, “Odd; singular [unusual]; hence, whimsical.” I’m queer—odd, unusual, strange, weird—in many ways: my name has no etymological or linguistic origin; I’m American, but use British spelling; I love comida picante more than my Mexican wife; I’m a Latter-day Saint who served his mission in Utah; I’m a linguistics and culinary nerd; I do not conform to cultural norms that contradict norms in Scripture; and, as I aforementioned, I also experience homosexual attraction.
Why not just say “gay?” Because gay means “happy,” not “homosexual,” so it’s used incorrectly if referring to homosexuality, and I prefer to be accurate to the true meaning of words in my language. (How it ever came to mean “homosexual” baffles me.) Although the misuse of the word gay tends to irk me, I’ll admittedly use it out of convenience at times, depending on the audience.
Why not use “same-sex-attracted?” While I prefer to use this adjective, as it’s the technical term for someone with homosexual attractions, frankly, it just doesn’t flow as well as “queer.” I guess if I were to write this out technically, the name of the blog should be “Musings of a Member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, who Experiences Same-Sex Attraction,” but that’s not quite as catchy as the given name.
Queer defines me more than just a sexual attraction. I’m an odd, strange character with eclectic tastes. I firmly believe that it’s unwise to use a label for yourself that only narrowly portrays a portion of your whole self. Sometimes we can single out one trait, or characteristic, or quality and make it our preeminent identity. I feel many people with same-sex attraction do this. But, I am not a sexual attraction.
And just a bit of clarification on the usage of the term “Saint” for any non-Latter-day Saint readers: I’m in no way inferring that I am some perfected, miracle-exuding, glorified human being, as understood in the Catholic theology. No, I’m using the term in its original meaning. Saint etymologically comes from the Latin sanctus, meaning “holy or consecrated to God”; which is a translation of the Greek hagios, meaning someone “sacred, or devoted, or pious to God.” It’s in this sense that I use the term Saint, as someone who is devoted to God and who is trying to be pious to and serve him.
I am a son of Heavenly Parents with the potential to become like them some day. That first and foremost is my identity. I am a Latter-day Saint; Saint meaning someone who is devoted and consecrated to God. Then throw in a bunch of flamboyant tastes, quirks and experiences to enhance my primary identity, and that’s me; Tember Harward. Kind of like a spicy Indian curry. Welcome to my queer life.
