Dear Church Leaders: We desperately need your Help.
Dear Church Leaders: you may not easily notice us in your wards or stakes, but we’re here, and desperately need your help and support now more than ever. We are members struggling with navigating our journey with faith and experiencing SSA (same-sex attraction). In the course of my ministry efforts, I have reached out to hundreds of bishops and stake presidents, many of whom have thanked me for offering resources to help LGBT members, but then say something to the effect of; “But, we don’t have any gay members in our ward [or stake], so this isn’t something relevant to us”; thereby basically inferring that this topic doesn’t need to be addressed in their congregation. While I fully sustain these Church leaders, and I know they’re selflessly leading their flocks, I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t disappointed and at times frustrated when I get responses like these. (Please do not misunderstand me: I know that the vast majority of leaders are doing all that they can, laying down their lives to serve. I know that the burden especially on bishops and stake presidents is immense, and it’s therefore inevitably difficult to address every issue and concern that the members may have.)
However, this mindset, that LGBT issues are not relevant to any given congregation, completely contradicts statistics on the matter. A common misconception is that since we are a more religiously and culturally conservative Church, and our members more carefully reject or limit worldly trends, then the Saints aren’t often affected by societal ills, that isn’t unless those members are actively seeking out sin. But, just because we have the Restored Gospel in our lives doesn’t mean that we still don’t have members who struggle with addictions of different kinds, infidelity, or mental illnesses. The same goes for individuals struggling with homosexual attraction. The misconception that it’s predominantly only “the worldly” who deal with SSA is largely based off the false assumptions about what causes SSA; that it’s only sinners who can have SSA, or that it’s just a choice that needs to be repented of. A very conservative estimate is that anywhere from 1-3% of the USA population identifies as experiencing some form of homosexual attraction or on the LGB spectrum (that is not including individuals experiencing gender dysphoria or transgender issues). A more liberal estimation puts that figure at 7.1%, per a 2022 Gallup Poll. Going with the much more conservative estimate—which I tend to agree with—in a ward of 300 members, at least about 3 members experience some degree of homosexual attraction, whether they’re acting on it or not.
According to Jana Riess, a LDS statistician, in a recent 2016 survey of Church members, she found that 6% of Boomers, 11% of Gen X'ers, 19% of Millennials, and 23% of Gen Zers self-identify as LGBT (2016 Next Mormons Survey). Additionally, one of the top 3 reasons members are leaving the Church is over the Church’s position on LGBT issues (The Root Cause for Why Members are Leaving the Church & What Leaders Can Do About It). The thing is, whether the percentage rise in self-identifying LGBT members is caused by social contagion or not—and I feel that a large percentage of it is—the numbers of members struggling with this real or perceived issue is growing. Of course, the Church should not and will not change the doctrine as pertaining to homosexuality and gender identity, but we, as the Lord’s hands, can and must to far more to more adequately address these issues, especially to our youth who are most vulnerable to pernicious values and philosophies of LGBT ideology that is creeping into our Church. It’s already becoming heavily ingrained in Academia, even in “conservative” States.
We may not recognise the LGBT members in our wards or stakes, but they’re there, and they need our support. I am one of them. Oftentimes it’s the members we would least expect them to be; the faithful bishop, high councilman, or mission president. These members often struggle for years with unwanted same-sex attraction, not knowing where to turn for resources or who to talk to for support. For some of us, the burden of internalised pain and self-hatred becomes too great so we seek support and validation outside the confines of the gospel. Dear Church leaders and lay members alike: please, help us to stay. Please, address these difficult topics in your wards and stakes. We need you to lovingly and compassionately provide us with the truth and faith-affirming resources. We need to hear these things in a faithful, Church context, so that we don’t inadvertently end up finding heterodox and faith-damaging resources online instead. Please, take the time to address these issues in a faithful manner, reaching out to offer Christlike support, so that we do not resort to seeking out the degenerate, hyper-sexualised “support” that the secular LGBT community is all too ready and desirous to entangle us in.
If you’re wondering where to start, I would highly suggest looking over the Church’s Counseling Resource on Same-Sex Attraction. It suggests the following:
“Consider asking ward leaders or other trusted individuals to provide continuing support, guidance, and assistance. Request the individual’s permission before discussing the situation with others.
Determine how to best minister to those who experience feelings of same-sex attraction.
Create an environment and culture for all individuals to feel welcome and loved.
Consider discussing the issue in ward council or in a fifth Sunday lesson. Use materials from the Life Help section on ChurchofJesusChrist.org and “Same-Sex Attraction” in Gospel Topics to prepare lessons or discussions.
Combat stereotypes and myths about same-sex attraction. If people in your ward or branch do not have a gospel-based understanding of this issue, refer them to the Life Help section on ChurchofJesusChrist.org and “Same-Sex Attraction” in Gospel Topics.
Help individuals understand that being around those who experience same-sex attraction does not mean they will also experience same-sex attraction and that the experience of same-sex attraction does not increase the risk of pedophilia.
Identify local counselors or online resources that provide services in harmony with gospel principles.
Consider contacting Family Services, if available, to identify resources.”
I pray that we can each do a little more to minister to those among us who may feel lost or marginalised. This isn’t just limited to bishops and stake presidents—whether we lead as fathers or mothers, Relief Society or Elders Quorum presidents, or youth counsellors or Sunday School teachers, all of us have a significant role to play. Let’s all strive to be the Saviour’s hands and feet in this world.
